Breakups can be hard. It’s a loss and, with loss, comes grieving. The 5 stages of grief can be applied to breakups.
Denial – “I am not accepting this. We are going to get back together.”
Anger – “How dare they break up with me!”
Bargaining – “Maybe if I had listened more, or didn’t go on that trip with my friends we’d still be together.”
Depression – “I’m never going to meet anyone ever again.”
Acceptance – “I’m ok without this person. They probably weren’t the right person for me.”
There are two more stages that thread their way through the grieving process – anxiety and processing. Usually you’ll be experiencing some level of anxiety as you move through these stages and you’ll most likely be processing along the way with friends, family, or even a therapist.
Talking about feelings is important to gain perspective on the relationship. Part of processing is allowing yourself to ruminate about the relationship. If you find yourself exhausting everyone you know with the details of the breakup it might be time to talk to a therapist to unpack some deeper issues that are underlying the rumination.
Breakup time is the most opportune time to start taking care of yourself. Maybe you neglected some of your favorite activities while in your relationship. Take time for you during this difficult time. This can include things like eating well, getting enough sleep, exercise, yoga, and meditating. Allow yourself some healthy distractions and getting back to doing the the things that you love to do.
Patience is a virtue, especially when healing from a breakup. Again, the stages of grief are not linear and you might be finding yourself falling back into anger even after you’ve reached acceptance. That’s ok! Healing takes time, and everyone’s process is different. Be patient with yourself, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to “move on” or “get over it” too quickly.
When you fall back into bargaining you may find yourself focusing on things that you wish you could change, like the way the relationship ended, or things you wish you had said or done differently. But try to remind yourself that you can’t change the past, and let go of things that you can’t control.
Most importantly, can you learn from this experience? Spend some time journaling about this experience, how you’ve grown from it, what you’ve learned about yourself, and what clarity you have about being in a relationship in general. This can be a valuable step in personal growth and emotional intelligence.
Remember, healing from a breakup can take time. It’s normal to have good days and bad days. Be kind to yourself and don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you need it.
