Getting over a relationship can be a difficult and painful process, as it often involves dealing with feelings of loss and grief. This can include feelings such as sadness, anger, confusion, and depression.
1. “I saw a future with this person.” When we are in a serious relationship it’s not unusual to start fantasizing about building a future with the person that we are with. You might have actual conversations about it too. Those can be hard to handle and may make it difficult to see a future without the person. Even if the relationship was not a healthy one, it can still be difficult to let go of the connection and the memories that were created.
2. “I felt seen by this person.” Feeling seen by your partner lights up those neurons that have to do with connection. There are two things that humans seek out for survival – safety and connection. From an attachment lens, this relationship may actually be the first time you’ve felt seen by someone else. And when that happens it feels good. When that gets disrupted it can feel like a huge loss. Because it is. When we invest time, energy, and emotion into a relationship, we form a connection with the other person. When that relationship ends, it can feel like we have lost something important to us.
3. “There must be something wrong with me.” When we place our self-worth on being accepted by others then we start blaming ourselves for the breakup. There may be some unresolved trauma around betrayal, fear of being alone, or low-self esteem. This trauma will most likely follow you into your next relationship.
If you find yourself struggling to move on from a relationship, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor. They can help you process your feelings and work through any unresolved issues that may be contributing to your difficulty moving on.
